13 Reasons Why: From the POV of a Hannah Baker
Alright, I know I'm a little late to jump on the bandwagon. I get it. I also get that there are 20 gazillion blog posts about this show.... But I want this one to be a bit different. Also, spoilers, probably, so don't say I didn't warn you.
When I first saw the trailer for this show, I was instantly sucked in. It was captivating and the story appealed to me, piking my interest. I found myself thinking it sounded familiar to me. (And no, I've not read the book, though now I would love to). Keep in mind this was just something that popped up on my Facebook news feed, and I almost scrolled past it. I'm so glad I didn't. For weeks after seeing the trailer, I was anticipating the release. I soon found others were too. I still knew nothing other than what the trailer told me, which was basically that some girl named Hannah Baker had killed herself and had created a bunch of tapes listing reasons why. I assumed from the title that there were 13 reasons, so I also assumed 13 tapes. Cool.
Weeks pass, and I'm sitting at home on April 1st browsing Facebook, and I realize that EVERYONE is talking about, "13 Reasons Why." I instantly turned on my TV, got Netflix all ready, and started the first episode while I made a snack.
In the first episode, we meet Clay. A boy who has clearly gone through some crap recently. He's cute, awkward, and overall just kind of a wall flower. At this point, I've honestly forgotten how he acquired the tapes, probably because I was busy making ramen. I assume someone left them on his door step or mailed them to him. Oh, well, not the biggest occurrence in the show. But anyway, he opens the shoe box (You can get that brand of shoes from Payless, btw. I have tons of boxes like that). Inside, there are 8 cassettes, each with a number painted on the side. He then struggles to find a tape player, eventually resorting to stealing a Walkman from his friend Tony. Nice, Clay. At this point, he knows the tapes are from Hannah, and he just completely devours the first tape, probably relishing in the sound of her voice. All I could think of was all the people I wish had recordings of, and how incredible it would be to receive a tape of them just talking about whatever.
But here's where we get to my point... You see, I lived this story. Not as Clay, but as Hannah. As I watched episode by episode, I couldn't stop thinking of moments where I had been in a situation eerily similar to those depicted. And as I read post after post just bashing on Hannah, I was saddened, because back in the day, I wanted to do something very similar and I can promise you it was NOT for attention. It was, rather, a type of closure, knowing that you could leave and have everyone know what they did.
All too often, people commit suicide and instantly people who were bullies are, "so sad to have lost such a great friend," or you have people like Clay who were really close but don't want the sympathy of saying just how close they were. Have you noticed that? People who didn't even know the person are all, "omg it's so sad. I miss them so much," while everyone who really cared about them wonder what THEY did wrong. And worse yet, no one is ever held accountable for the bullying or general malice.
Being someone who went through this, I understand. I had a plan and everything. But as I would sit and think about it, I could not for the life of me figure out a way to pinpoint every person who had ever hurt me. The desire to call people out burned deep within me, but no one ever listens to a living girl... Right? Well now I know that's not at all true, but at the time I was suffering from severe depression.
I was just like Hannah. I was that girl who had nasty, false rumors spread about her, and who sat alone at lunch because the people she thought were her friends turned on her. I was the new girl, and it was a joke to date me... I get it. Watching this show, I sat there equally entranced, fascinated, mortified, and relieved. Finally, a show that addresses mental health. Finally, a show that helps explain why kids do the things they do. It was a closure, and yet opened a door that I didn't even realize had been closed. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, and I felt an opportunity to open up about my experiences. I felt a wall being broken down somewhere inside me, and as I write I feel my words flow. I feel... free.... But why?
Why did some 19-almost-20-year-old girl need some show about Juniors in High School to feel like she was free? And then it clicked. All my life, I've been bullied. I've felt silenced and I've felt like it was selfish and attention-seeking to discuss what I'd been through. And yet, logging on to Facebook and seeing post after post about this show which had captured my heart so completely... I felt that I could finally talk and people would hear me. It's like living your life in a glass, soundproof box. You can be screaming at the top of your lungs and no one can hear you... but then someone opens the door.... And finally you can come out and explore. I'd been in the closet about my depression and what caused it, but this show finally opened that door for me and helped me to achieve the closure I needed.
So that's my point... This show can come off as creating this revenge fantasy, but honestly it presents itself in such a way as to show you the mind of someone going through this. The last few episodes are the most powerful, with a rape and showing her suicide after a trusted guidance counselor brushed her problems off as, "normal, typical teenage angst."
13 Reasons Why explores major issues that our society tends to sweep under a rug. But from a Hannah Baker who found the help she needed... I can tell you that these things are very real and very harmful. Please reach out to those around you. Depression isn't always visible. It wasn't in my case. Everyone thought I was fine. So even just a post on Facebook or a quick Tweet to let your friends and followers know you're there for them to talk to can save a life. Don't be afraid to listen. Don't brush off their problems. Get them help if they need it.
That being said, I'm here for my readers. If you're having troubles, you can always head over to the Contact Us tab and shoot me an email. I will try to reply. If it's an emergency though, please use the info below to contact the suicide hotline. They are both 24/7 hotlines. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 OR
Text HOME to 741741 for text help
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